I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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