A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
