you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
