R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize