Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
