When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
