I just saw a hot homeless man
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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