so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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