She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
