That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
