Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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