She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize