Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
