I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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