There is no way he is gay with that hair.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
