the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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