some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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