Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
