R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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