She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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