i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I smell like Dick and happiness
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