yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
