The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
It's shark week go big or go home
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
