Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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