After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
