She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Randomize