dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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