he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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