i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
