I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
