Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
This is my gift to your gina
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
