Well douche your snatch and let's go!
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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