On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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