fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize