The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
