cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
