i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
