booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
