ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
