I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize