It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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