who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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