i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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