That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
