Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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