therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
