i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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