i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just want to make out with him forever
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
try to milk me bitch
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
