Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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