I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
