i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
