Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Randomize
