Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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