Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
