u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
