somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
it's like heaven, but drunker
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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