can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
