In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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