she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Randomize