My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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