Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
