I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
