I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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