he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
