I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
