you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
