You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
