She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
