Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
