I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
