It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
