a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
