lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
