The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
even my farts smell like vagina
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
