Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm experimenting with sincerity
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
