Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
