i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
