I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize