Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Randomize
