Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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