My brain says no but my pants say off.
if only i could text you this smell
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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