Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Sorry my hands just texted you
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
