Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
