you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Dignity is for republicans.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
